The health of the spiritual care giver's soul produces either a toxic or healthy
atmosphere in our relationships. It is reflected by what is truly in our heart of hearts around which our lives orbit. When
the care giver's soul is the healthiest, people often are set free to rise above the internal influence of their
past; sore beyond the externals which have been seeking to steal-kill-and destroy their soul and its surrounding relationships.
The best preparation for life giving soul care is for the person to first gain a healthy realism about their growing
edges which may in fact include a soul with an unhealthy personality.
People with very
unhealthy souls wear many religious masks to cover their personality disorders in churches (Oates; Pate). Thus, every apparent
golden achievement is not always the work of the Holy Spirit through people. Sometimes, it is religious persons in one group
of disorders taking advantage of persons with other problems as illustrated in the books listed below by Oates,
Pate, and Weiser.The healthiness of the soul of those who
offer soul care to others and seek to equip congregations as caring congregations is very important. Clergy with unhealed souls
very often cease living out of grace and in exchange to live focused on survival and defending themselves.
Care
givers consider these questions prayerfully.
First, how do others experience your soul?
Second, are others uplifted by your vital spiritual
life in Christ or pulled down by the F.O.G (Fear. Obligation. Guilt) coming
forth from your soul?
Third, are you a wounded healer or a harmful helper?
Fourth,
do you have a narcissistic personality disorder?
The notorious former televangelist Jim Bakker is an excellent example
of a compulsive, narcissistic church leader. His creation of PTL was an expression of the dark side of Bakker's leadership
and not the Holy Spirit's leadership. While we might want to cast stones at him and other high profile church leaders,
the same types of failures are found in churches all over America on
a smaller scale.
Narcissistic clergy lead churches, districts, conferences, jurisdictions, and denominations into projects far
too idealistic and costly for others primarily to make them feel better about themselves. However, once the "high"
of the new project launch is over, they provide very little long range over-sight and maintenance.
Fifth, do you have
a borderline personality disorder?
Clergy leaders who are high functioning people with borderline personality disorder appear
to be increasing in the ranks of religious leadership along with accounts of abuse. Until about 10 years ago, this was not
a concern. This phenomenon may be due to the need for clergy in declining denominations and the related felt need to "go
soft" on ordination candidates as well as an increase in the number of persons with this disorder in society. Too often
unhealthy situations are only made worse when clergy with this disorder are found to have abused usually dependent/depressed
females and a few males. Many times the lives of those who live on the border reflect the chaos of Samson in the Bible.
Sixth, are you co-dependent?
This one disorder has most likely crippled the health of more congregations,
districts, conferences, jurisdictions and denominations than any other disorder of the soul, i.e. personality. The clergy
person with undiagnosed and untreated co-dependency often have severe boundary issues and great social drama in a church they
are pastor of.
Co-dependent
clergy destroy themselves in the vain attempt to keep everyone happy and meet everyone else's needs while ignoring both
their own personal and family needs.
They offer re-active leadership instead of pro-active leadership. Their reaction
to the pain and problems of others is focused far more getting or maintaining the people's love for them instead of a
genuine expression of love for those persons.
They are stuffed full of anger and frustration as they are too tolerant
of other's inappropriate behavior in the church, too willing to overextend themselves, and too eager to avoid confrontation
at any cost. In the end, no one is pleased and the co-dependent person nor does anyone see how other clergy and/or church
members have pulled their strings out of their own unhealthy narcissistic, borderline or codependent soul.
This one disorder has most likely
crippled the health of more congregations, districts, conferences, jurisdictions and denominations than any other disorder
of the soul, i.e. personality. The clergy person with undiagnosed and untreated co-dependency often have severe boundary issues
and great social drama in a church they are pastor of.
Co-dependent clergy destroy themselves in the vain attempt to keep everyone
happy and meet everyone else's needs while ignoring both their own personal and family needs.
They offer re-active
leadership instead of pro-active leadership. Their reaction to the pain and problems of others is focused far more getting
or maintaining the people's love for them instead of a genuine expression of love for those persons.
They
are stuffed full of anger and frustration as they are too tolerant of other's inappropriate behavior in the church, too
willing to overextend themselves, and too eager to avoid confrontation at any cost. In the end, no one is pleased and the
co-dependent person nor does anyone see how other clergy and/or church members have pulled their strings out of their own
unhealthy narcissistic, borderline or codependent soul.
God's grace can lead us to face our dark
side as clergy. His amazing grace can also lead us to overcome so that our Achilles' heal does not lead to the experience
of stealing, killing and destroying. Such grace comes to us through a proper diagnosis, helpful medicines, qualified therapy,
spiritual guidance, and a caring Christian community offering Jesus' healing to all.
The
following books by Arterburn, Harris, Headley, McIntosh, Rassieur,
Rediger, Weiser, Wuellner specifically address the path to wholeness.
Dr. David Ludwig's
presentation "Spirituality and Mental Health" at the Greensboro Spiritual Conference for Faith-Based Communities
on May 13, 2004 inspired some of this presentation.
Other articles online to read.
1. Brother Martin or Pastor Superstar?
2. Jesus & Clergy Health
3. Pastors: ‘You aren't called to work harder than your Creator’
4. Rienas,
Garbrielle. The Pastor’s Wife: Beating The Ministry Blahs
5. "Self-Denial and Self-Care"
6. The pastor's well-being often reflects a church's health and happiness
7. Video Why You Should Give Your Pastor A Sabbatical
8. What is the Condition of Your Heart?
